The Online Adventures of Alex & Co
by Malirunic
Summary: CRACK!FIC. Alex Rider stumbles across a seemingly innocent chatroom one afternoon. The problem is, it seems he's not the only one... This is what happens when you dump MI6, Yassen, SAS and more in the same chatroom! Slash later on for humor purposes only.
1. It's a Small World

**Hi everyone! I know I haven't updated any of my stories in forever.... I'm really sorry about that, just in case anyone cares. I really prefer original fiction over fanfiction.... but anyways, this story was some random idea that popped into my head the other day. DON'T tell me that "chatspeek isn't allowed on this site" or "script format stories aren't allowed on this site", cuz I've heard it all before and I DON'T CARE. I tried to keep the chat slang to a minimum, though. And I'm from the US, so could someone tell me if Alex or Yassen sound too American? I tried....**

**DISCLAIMER: Trust me, it's better for everyone if I don't own Alex Rider. This chapter is proof enough.**

* * *

Between constantly saving the world and risking his neck, Alex Rider was stressed. No, stressed was an understatement. The point was, what Alex really needed was a break from it all. From the nasty rumours at school to MI6, he really needed a holiday. But a holiday was out of the question; every single time he tried to go somewhere out of country and relax, something big and life-threatening happened, always involving some crazy take-over-the-world (rich) madman (and occasionally madwoman, in the case of Julia Rothman.) So instead of drinking coconut milk while lying on a sunny beach somewhere like he really should, He decided to go to the next best thing:

The Internet.

The internet was an amazing thing indeed; you could go anywhere in the world (or even out of the world) from the safety of your seat. And best of all, you didn't need to be yourself on the internet; you could be anyone you wanted. Making an identity was easy. Which was precisely why Alex Rider decided to relax in a chatroom where no one had ever heard of him, under a new name, with a new life.

And so, one monday after school, at precisely 5:05 PM England Time, Alex logged onto "" under the screen name "TruthxLies111". The next page he went to was a list of the different chatrooms. Scrolling down the page listlessly, one chatroom caught his eye: "Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas. The Ultimate Chatroom for Terrorists and Counterterrorists." Alex smirked. It was probably full of cocky teens hoping to trick some idiot into believing they were some sort of secret agent or terrorist. _Well_, he thought, _better this than "Unicorn Central"_. And so, at precisely 5:07 PM England Time, Alex Rider clicked on the unsuspecting neon link.

* * *

_[Welcome to Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas! Type your message below and press Enter.]_

_[TruthxLies111 has entered the chatroom]_

_Merpgluie: hi!_

_TruthxLies111: hi..._

_Terrorists_R_Us: welcome newcomer. are u a terrorist or civil pansy?_

Alex grinned and decided to play along. Not as if anyone was actually going to believe him.

_TruthxLies111: actually, I'm a 'civil pansy'. I am actually a teenage spy for MI6._

_Merpgluie: ooooh, so you're like, British?_

_TruthxLies111: yep._

_Merpgluie: kool. me and Trevor here are American._

_Terrorists_R_Us: actually, I'm middle-eastern. and right now I am in my secret lair plotting the United State's demise._

_Merpgluie: no, you're in your room, secretly going online cuz you're grounded._

_Terrorists_R_Us: shaddup foolish American. I am in Pakistan in my secret lair!!!!!_

_Merpgluie: ....Trevor, you're across the street from me._

_Terrorists_R_Us: LIES!!!!_

_Merpgluie: I can see you in your room, pounding your fist on the table as we speak._

_TruthxLies111: Lol you guys are hilarious. Are you friends?_

_Terrorists_R_Us: why would I be friends with a dumb American!!?!!_

_Merpgluie: haha no we're not really friends, rivals more like. some say we hav a sister-and-brother relationship. (I'm a girl, btw.)_

_TruthxLies111: or a husband-and-wife relationship._

_Merpgluie: ..._

_Terrorists_R_Us: EWWWW!!! I'd rather DIE than marry that THING over there!!!_

_TruthxLies111: Lol that's mean..._

_Merpgluie: yeah Trevor, don't say that to a girl! Hmph!_

_[ColdEyedAssassin has entered the chatroom]_

_Merpgluie: hiya!_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Hello._

_Terrorists_R_Us: ew how formal._

_ColdEyedAssassin: Your unsername is quite damaging to the reputation of terrorists, you know._

_Terrorists_R_Us: ...whatever. I know your type. You're the BORING type. I'm leaving._

_[Terrorists_R_Us has left the chatroom]_

_TruthxLies111: ....um... bye, I guess?_

_Merpgluie: don't mind him, he's always a party pooper._

_TruthxLies111: I see..._

_ColdEyedAssassin: Hmm. Your username, on the other hand, is quite nice..._

_TruthxLies111: who me?_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Yes. It reminds me of something someone I once knew would pick... He was always quiet, yet there was a certain kindness in his eyes. He would often put his friends and family before his job. _

_Unfortunately, that was what killed him in the end._

_TruthxLies111: Wow. He must've been a nice guy. I'm sure he'll always be remembered._

_ColdEyedAssassin: Perhaps not. His profession prevented him from keeping many personal relationships, and his funeral was small and secretive. And after that, I went and killed his brother! Can you believe it?_

_TruthxLies111: Well, do you regret it now?_

_ColdEyedAssassin: I try not to. It was my job; I had no other choice. But now I've caused his son so much pain... the boy, he's a sweet boy, but he hates me now..._

_TruthxLies111: Maybe it's better that way. No matter how harsh it is, a single truth is better than a thousand sugar-coated lies. At least the son knows it was you who killed him._

_Merpgluie: Erm, sorry to interrupt your little sob-fest over here but I just wanted to say that my mom's calling me for dinner, so um.... I g2g. Bye._

_TruthxLies111: ok bye_

_[Merpgluie has left the chatroom]_

_TruthxLies111: I should probably get going to. I'll be on around this same time tommorow, you?_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Okay._

_TruthxLies111: Bye._

_[TruthxLies111 has left the chatroom]_

_[ColdEyedAssassin has left the chatroom]_

Alex Rider smiled in satisfaction as he exited the website. ColdEyedAssassin, whoever that was in real life, seemed to be a nice guy. Even if everything he had typed online was fake mush, it was still nice to talk to someone without actually having to go through his entire life story...

* * *

Several hundred miles away, in an unsuspecting flat, Yassen Gregorovich also logged out of the same chatroom. _TruthxLies111 reminds me so much of John Rider_... he thought tenderly. And while whoever it was on the other side of that username certainly wasn't John, it was still nice to talk to someone about himself without getting cold glares or frightened glances.

_~End~_

* * *

**Next chapter: A familiar face joins the scene, and his name is... Alan Blunt!?!? (Be afraid.... be very afraid...)**


	2. Not Gay

**A/N: Hi everybody! I is back! First off, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter. Seriously, 13 reviews for one chapter!?!? And here I was, thinking I'd be extremely lucky just to get 2 reviews! The Alex Rider section of this site bodes well for me.... xD I hope....**

**So to celebrate, I've updated as early as possible! I'm not to happy with this chapter, to me if felt more insulting than funny... but then again, no one likes Blunt, right? =D**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Alex Rider, I'd be arrested for treason against the MI6 and Her Majesty. I'm not in jail yet, so I don't own it...**

* * *

Alan Blunt was a busy man. After all, when you're the head of the British Secret Service, how can one not be busy? But Alan Blunt had a quirk: he enjoyed chatrooms. Yes, he, the middle-aged head of the MI6, enjoyed chatting with random teenagers in online chatrooms. Some would even call him a pedophile, though Blunt would forcibly argue otherwise. ("For research," he would say.) But he liked chatrooms because they allowed him to do something he could not in real life: pretend to be someone else. Hell, he could even adopt a different _gender _if he opted to, which he sometimes did.

And so, one Tuesday after he completed his daily paperwork, Alan Blunt logged onto "" under the screen name "Brokenangelwings90". Indeed, some would call him "gay" for the rather feminine username, though Blunt would forcibly argue otherwise. While scrolling through the Chatroom list, he noticed one chatroom that had not been there the last time he logged on; "Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas. The Ultimate Chatroom for Terrorists and Counterterrorists." The shadow of a smile flickered across the man's face as he entered the chatroom.

_[Welcome to Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas! Type your message below and press Enter.]_

_[Brokenangelwings90 has entered the chatroom]_

_TruthxLies111: hello!_

_Brokenangelwings90: Hi_

_TruthxLies111: are u a girl?_

Blunt paused for a moment, then nodded to himself and continued typing.

_Brokenangelwings90: Yes_

_TruthxLies111: i see._

_ColdEyedAssassin: No, you don't._

_TruthxLies111: ...pardon?_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Technically, you cannot see. None of us have any idea who the others are, since we do not see each other._

_TruthxLies111: whatever. Literal freak._

_ColdEyedAssassin: Not taking things at face value can get you killed in my profession._

_Brokenangelwings90: And what would that be?_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Read the screen name, moron._

_Brokenangelwings90: Right. And I'm the head of MI6._

_TruthxLies111: No, you're not. The head of MI6 is some old smelly dude who never smiles._

Blunt blinked. Even though he knew the comment wasn't directed at him, since some random teenager obviously wouldn't know who the head of MI6 was, he couldn't help but take offence.

_Brokenangelwings90: I beg your pardon. The head of MI6 is in fact a handsome young man, still in his prime._

_TruthxLies111: So... you're admitting you're a guy?_

_Brokenangelwings90: What?_

_TruthxLies111: earlier you said u were a girl. But you just admitted you were a guy._

Blunt nearly cursed. Of course, he didn't actually let the foul word out; he was much too professional for that. But he nearly did. Which was a lot, in Blunt's case. _Concieted brat_, he thought darkly.

_Brokenangelwings90: So I am. So what?_

_TruthxLies111: That username's pretty.... gay._

_ColdEyedAssassin: Gay means happy, you know._

_TruthxLies111: ..._

_Brokenangelwings90: He's right. "Gay: Bright and pleasant, promoting a sense of cheer." from the Princeton online dictionary._

_TruthxLies111: "Gay: A homosexual male of female." From Urban Dictionary._

_[Brokenangelwings90 has left the chatroom]_

Blunt stabbed the "Esc" button so forcefully it nearly popped out of its socket. Thankfully, the keyboard was a specialty-MI6 manufactured one, designed by Smithers himself, so not only was it bulletproof, waterproof, fire-resistant, and shock-resistant, it could withstand even the keyboard bashings of a frustrated teenager. Which meant it was very, very strong. Nothing, however, could protect the poor, innocent keyboard from the venomous glare the head of MI6 was sending it now. Indeed, though the man was usually calm and emotionless, when he was pissed, he was _really_ pissed. His glares could even rival those of his ex-boyfriend!

...Wait, did he just think the word "ex-_boyfriend_"? This time, Blunt really did curse. Goddamned teenagers, questioning his sexuality like that and making him remember his... _past affairs_! He'd sworn to himself he was done with guys after one unfortunate nameless MI6 agent had caught him about to.... do it! Of course, he'd had the operative conveniently killed on some suicide mission later. But Blunt did not like close calls at all. Nope. So he'd decided he'd go straight from then on. _Yes_, he thought to himself, _never again will I allow some lowly online teenagers to make me even THINK about men in THAT way_.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a large house not too far away from the Royal & General Bank, Alex Rider snickered evilly, somehow satisfied with his cruel cyberbullying of the anonymous "Brokenangelwings90". It wasn't as though he had a lot against homosexuals; it was simply a strange, heartless feeling that he'd somehow bested one of his real-life superiors. Even though that was obviously not possible.

* * *

**A/N: There ya go! Hope I didn't disappoint too much! ****Next chapter: Everyone's favorite SAS soldiers join the scene! And also, who's Blunt's mystery ex-boyfriend?? Review to find out, cuz I'm not updating till you guys are reviewing!**

_**NOTE: An anonymous reviewer brought this to my attention, I am really REALLY sorry if I've offended anyone with this fic.... =( PLEASE don't take ANYTHING here seriously. I know my gay-bashing was pretty insulting and cruel, but I couldn't think of anything else to put! So once again, I am very very VERY sorry! I can't say sorry enough! But seriously. THIS ENTIRE FANFIC IS A JOKE. Taking anything here seriously (apart from the A/N's) can result in severe depression and/or heart attacks. As for my part, I will try refrain from too much racism/LGBT/stereotype bashing later on. TRY.**_


	3. SAS, SIS

**A/N: I'm SOOOOO SORRY!!!!! SORRY SORRY SORRY!!! Gomen nasai!!! Dui Bu Qi!!! Lo siento!!! I know I haven't updated in FOREVER!!! I'm really, really sorry. You all have probably forgotten all about this story by now. But real life (gasp! I have a life?) has been getting in the way, as impossible as it may sound. My procrastination has finally gotten the better of me.. =( but here's an update! A really bad update, but an update nonetheless!**

**DISCLAIMER: If I were Anthony Horowitz, I'd still be procrastinating on working on Snakehead. So I'm not Horowitz, thank god.**

**Also, unlike I said in the last chapter, this chapter contains no reference to Blunt's ex. It was just too insulting to add. Sorry to anyone who was actually looking forward to it. (sickos.)**

* * *

Santiago Ramirez, A.K.A. Wolf of the SAS K-Unit, loved his job. Sure, he almost got killed every other day, and got shot nearly as often, but nonetheless he loved the thrill of being in the battlefield, of fighting for his country. (Well, he was born in Mexico, but he had a British citizenship, so he liked to think of himself as the latter.) Even so, even the most enthusiastic and loyal soldiers tire every once and a while. So when Wolf was sick of all the fighting and war, he went to the ultimate paradise of Earth, where dragons exist and anything is possible.

He went on the Internet.

In particular, sometimes, when he wanted to escape from daily life, he would go to a certain online chatroom known as "TheUltimateChatroom(dot)com". He couldn't quite remember how he'd found it; either way, now he logged on every once and a while as "Tehwolfman7". As he scrolled through the chatrooms, a new one caught his eye: "Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas. The Ultimate Chatroom for Terrorists and Counterterrorists." _Well, I may not be a spy or whatnot, but I _am _an actual soldier_, he thought as he clicked on the chatroom.

* * *

_[Welcome to Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas! Type your message below and press Enter.]_

_[Tehwolfman7 has entered the chatroom]_

_TruthxLies111: Yo._

_Tehwolfman7: Yo. wazzup?_

_TruthxLies11: i dunno, usually around this time I chat with a friend of mine, ColdEyedAssassin, but today he said he couldn't make it. so now I'm just here cuz I've got nothing better to do but waste away in a chatroom._

_Tehwolfman7: hmm. i see._

_TruthxLies111: soooo... what's your occupation?_

_Tehwolfman7: wha?_

_TruthxLies111: if you're in this chatroom, it must be because of your "occupation". For instance, I am a teenage spy working for MI6 and my friend is an assassin, as you can see from his username._

_Tehwolfman7: oh. well.... I'm not actually a spy, assassin, or ninja, but I AM a soldier._

_TruthxLies111: kool._

_Tehwolfman7: yep_

_[Herebirdybirdy has joined the chatroom]_

_Tehwolfman7: welcome._

_Herebirdybirdy: haha LOL my friend's nickname is wolf! Lol that was random_

_TruthxLies111: ....yes, it was. o.O_

_Tehwolfman7: my nickname is Wolf also..._

_TruthxLies111: yes, and I know someone whose nickname was Wolf also. I'm sure there's thousands of people out there nicknamed Wolf._

_Tehwolfman7: true.... wouldn't it be funny if we all actually know each other in real life, but we don't know it?_

_Herebirdybirdy: Lol yeah! That'd be so hilarious.... omigod, if you were really my friend nicknamed Wolf, he'd hate himself to no end for chatting with me._

_TruthxLies111: he doesnt like you?_

_Herebirdybirdy: Hell no. he constantly tells me how annoying I am. and then again, He has a right to. I mean, sometimes I even annoy myself!_

_Tehwolfman7: and if you were really my friend who's really annoying, he'd hate himself to no end for saying that =) (he's not one for admitting it)_

_Herebirdybirdy: lol =D_

_[Trickster101spy has entered the chatroom]_

_Herebirdybirdy: HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Trickster101spy: .....Hi?_

_TruthxLies111: Oh don't worry, he's been a weirdo for the whole 5 minutes I've known him..._

_Trickster101spy: I see..._

_[XAwesomeViperX has entered the chatroom]_

_Herebirdybirdy: greetings earthling._

_XAwesomeViperX: earthling? I am no earthling, foolish one. I am a Plutonian, that I am._

_Herebirdybirdy: what a coincidence! I am a Neptunian!_

_XAwesomeViperX: ah! greetings, fellow non-earthling!_

_TruthxLies111: ..._

_Tehwolfman7: ..._

_Trickster101spy: ..._

_Herebirdybirdy: MEH WALLET IS PINK xD_

_TruthxLies111: ....Wtf?_

_Herebirdybirdy: LOL random xD_

_TruthxLies111: ....yeah._

_Trickster101spy: Hey! speaking of wallets, I just remembered that my friend still owes me 20 bucks! BRB I'm going to call him_

_XAwesomeViperX: okay_

_Tehwolfman7: Holy shit! I just remembered that I owe MY friend 20 bucks!_

_TruthxLies111: Lol_

_

* * *

_

Wolf sighed as his cellphone rang unexpectedly. He quickly typed "BRB" and picked up the cellphone.

"Ramirez."

"Hey Santiago, it's me, Ben."

"Yo Daniels. Wazzup?"

"Remember when you borrowed 20 dollars off me at the gift shop on Tuesday?"

"Yeah, I had just remembered that!"

"Hey, same here! Actually, something in a chatroom jolted my memory."

"...You're chatting online?"

"Yup! It's called "The Ultimate Chatroom". I find it a nice way to waste time when I'm bored."

"...Uh, Ben? What's your username?"

"It's 'Trickster101spy'. Why, you thinking of joining?"

"Well, not exactly...."

"Hm?"

"I already have an account...."

"Cool! Tell me so I can add you as a friend."

"It's 'Tehwolfman7'....."

"Okay! Teh...wolf.... wait..."

"..."

"......HOLY SHIT!"

"...Yeah."

"Well... it's a small world after all."

"Whatever. Listen, we never speak of this to the other two, okay?"

"Why?"

"...Because we're GROWN-UPS and we're IN A CHATROOM. Even MATT doesn't chat, and he's more immature than a grade-school student."

"Okay... gots it. No tell."

* * *

_[Tehwolfman7 has left the chatroom]_

_[Trickster101spy has left the chatroom]_

_TruthxLies111: Huh? they both left?_

_Herebirdybirdy: pooey. =(_

_XAwesomeViperX: Well, I should probably get going too._

_Herebirdybirdy: yeah, same here. bye =)_

_TruthxLies111: bye_

_[XAwesomeViperX has left the chatroom]_

_[Herebirdybirdy has left the chatroom]_

_[TruthxLies111 has left the chatroom]_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: I hope I was clear enough! I dunno how confusing this chapter was... But in case you couldn't figure it out, Trickster101spy = Fox (Ben Daniels), Herebirdybirdy = Eagle, and XAwesomeViperX = Snake. Oh yeah, and Eagle's real name in this fanfic is "Matt", so that's who Wolf was refering to. xD**

**Next Time: uhh..... I haven't thought ahead that far yet..... =)**


	4. Several Realizations

**A/N: Tada! An update! xD The relatively short gap is to make up for the uber-long gap between chapters 2 and 3.... aren't you happy? xD**

**I am not pleased with this chapter. I can't write right now, so it's all really sucky. But then, I thought last chapter was sucky too, so don't mind me. =)**

**Oh, and by the way, everything I said about computers in this chapter is complete bullsh*t. I don't know a thing about computers, so "HTML freezeframe animation" doesn't exist. Neither does anything else I mention. I think. Except for the IP tracker, that one's plausible. =D**

**

* * *

**

Several years ago, when he had first become MI6's "Head Techie", so to speak, Smithers had created a website, "TheUltimateChatroom(dot)com". He had created it on a whim, and now it had become one of the western world's most popular online chatting sites. And with over 100 distinct categorized chatrooms, state-of-the-art real-time chat technology, and smooth, appealing animations and graphics that even worked without Flash, it was really no wonder. And a couple weeks ago, he had created yet another chatroom, again on a whim. It was titled "Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas". But for some strange reason, today of all days he felt the need to check it. He wasn't sure why; it was just some sort of unconscious command telling him to check it. So one Thursday after work at precisely 5:11 PM London Time, Smithers logged onto "" as "Techie".

_[Welcome to Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas! Type your message below and press Enter.]_

_[Techie has entered the chatroom]_

_Herebirdybirdy: hihihihihihihihihihihihi_

_Techie: Hi ^_^_

_TruthxLies111: Hey, why's your username showing up in yellow while everyone else's is blue?_

_Techie: Because I'm the site owner and admin. *_~_

_XAwesomeViperX: Woah! srsly?!? No way!_

_Herebirdybirdy: IMPOSSIBLE_

_ColdEyedAssassin: I've checked his profile, it's true._

_TruthxLies111: cool! So did you create this site?_

_Techie: Yep ^o^_

_Herebirdybirdy: AWESOMENESS O.O xD_

_TruthxLies111: I see this site's been around for 4 years, but your account is only 3 years old._

_XAwesomeViperX: woah where'd you pull that from?_

_TruthxLies111: his profile, moron._

_Herebirdybirdy: where? I dun see it!!!! =(_

_TruthxLies111: it's under "Membership information". you know, the little green tab at the upper right corner? yeah._

_Herebirdybirdy: oooh... NOW i see it! it's so tiny and subtle and hidden and stuffs!_

_XAwesomeViperX: Ikr right!?!?_

_TruthxLies111: ....moving on. so Techie, why's your account age and the site age different?_

Smithers smiled to himself. _Smart kid,_ he thought. Most people never found that bit of text at the corner off the page.

_Techie: The first year this site was in place, it was a test run, so no permanent accounts had been created yet._

_TruthxLies111: Oh, I see. cool. Testing HTML graphics?_

_Techie: Yep! How'd you guess?_

_TruthxLies111: I don't have Flash, but the animations still work, I just thought that would've been pretty hard to program. Did you speed up the auto-pixel change to create basic freezeframe animation?_

_Techie: Yep! Smart kid! ^_^_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Where'd you learn that?_

_TruthxLies111: eh.. just read some books_

_ColdEyedAssassin: Really? That is some complicated book._

_TruthxLies111: yeah..._

_Techie: BRB, I'm going to do something quick_

He leaned back in his chair and frowned. No teenager should be able to know stuff like that; the secrets of freezeframe HTML animation was pretty much only known amongst government agencies! Smithers

decided to use the IP tracker he'd installed for once. After a few seconds of typing, the screen displayed the address of "TruthxLies111". It was in Chelsea. He stared hard at the address. It seemed somehow

familiar....

The MI6 technician quickly typed it into his data history. Sure enough, the address was there, and according to his records, he was an MI6 agent. A very special MI6 agent.

He was Alex Rider.

Smither blinked. Something inside of him had suspected it... the kid was smart, and he knew a lot of normally restricted stuff about computers after the whole Sayle incident. And after all, super spy or not, he was a teenager, and teenagers often chatted, so there was no big deal. No need to bother him about it.

* * *

Several seas away, Yassen Grogorovich, currently "on assignment", scowled in thought at his laptop screen. He knew that freeze-frame HTML animation was a secret amongst government agencies; why would some random teenager know about it? And "Techie" as well? He typed both into his handy IP tracker (it was one of many benefits to being an assassin). They both produced addresses somewhere in London. He recognized neither, but something about the address of "TruthxLies111" drew him in. According to his tracker, it was in Chelsea...

He then went to his handy real-time satellite radar and typed in the address. The house was large and welcoming. There was a single car parked on the gravel driveway. As he watched, a red-haired girl walked out. She seemed to yell something into the house, and moments later a boy emerged. The boy was familiar. He had fair hair and serious brown eyes.

The boy was Alex Rider.

Yassen slammed his laptop shut. To think that he'd been spilling his heart out to John Rider's son, of all people! And all this time he had thought it was some random stranger whom he'd never see in real life! Ah well, the boy never needed to find out...

* * *

_[Techie has left the chatroom]_

_XAwesomeViperX: Aw... he left... =(_

_Herebirdybirdy: =(_

_TruthxLies111: Hey guys, I g2g, my guardian's calling me to go get some fresh air. Bye._

_Herebirdybirdy: bye_

_[TruthxLies111 has left the chatroom]_

_Herebirdybirdy: ....hey, is ColdEyedAssassin still there?_

_XAwesomeViperX: oh yeah! where'd he go?_

_Herebirdybirdy: helloooooooo? ? hellooo?_

_[ColdEyedAssassin has left the chatroom]_

_Herebirdybirdy: he left! T__T_

_XAwesomeViperX: =(_

_Herebirdybirdy: .......so.... what now?_

_XAwesomeViperX: There's no one left here but us, right?_

_Herebirdybirdy: yep!_

_XAwesomeViperX: ok then... hey Matt, do you really think that guy was Yassen Gregorovich?_

_Herebirdybirdy: of course he is! why, just look at his username!_

_XAwesomeViperX: ........._

_Herebirdybirdy: what!?!?_

_XAwesomeViperX: ....you ARE a moron. that's probably just some random teenager with no life who wastes away in a chatroom all day. I dunno how you even came to that conclusion._

_Herebirdybirdy: The Voices told me he as Gregorovich!_

_XAwesomeViper: ........_

_Herebirdybirdy: ......the Voices have been right before!...._

_XAwesomeViperX: ......._

_Herebirdybirdy: Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we met Ben and Santiago in here too?_

_XAwesomeViper: Hah! yeah, like that's but happen._

_Herebirdybirdy: I know, but it'd still be cool....._

_XAwesomeViper: whatever, I'm leaving now._

_[XAwesomeViperX has left the chatroom]_

_[Herebirdybirdy has left the chatroom]_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Next chapter is the last! xD Fear not, I WILL finish a multi-chapter story! I WILL! T^T**

**...Don't you feel sorry for Alex? Heh, everyone else gets their share of recognization, but poor Alex is left in the dark.... }:-) for now.**


	5. Epilougue: Meet the Authors

**A/N: Here's the final chapter, everyone! Okay, I know I say this every single time, but this chapter really DOES suck. I added a freaking author insert. I dunno why I did it, cuz they always turn out to be Mary Sue-ish and this is probably no exception, but I did it on a whim and now I'm too lazy to think of something better to write. Meh.**

**But on a brighter note.... this fic has 58 reviews! O.O Holy crap! and to think my last record was 12! Did my writing improve drastically, or is this story simply so stupid that people think it resembles humour? I'm pretty sure it's the latter...**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing except for my two loyal OCs at the end, but while they're in my fanfiction, all the characters (including Anthony Horowitz) are at my mercy!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!**

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_[TruthxLies111 has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[ColdEyedAssassin has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[Brokenangelwings90 has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[Herebirdybirdy has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[XAwesomeViperX has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[Tehwolfman7 has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[Trickster101spy has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[Techie has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_TruthxLies111: huh!?!?_

_Tehwolfman7: what the-_

_Techie: How'd I get here?!?_

_Brokenangelwings90: Wtf?_

_Herebirdybirdy: woah, one moment I was playing on meh notdoppler and now I'm here! wut happened!?!?_

_[Techie has left the chatroom]_

_[ColdEyedAssassin has left the chatroom]_

_Anthony_Horowitz: Hello everyone, you've been called here by me, your creator._

_Tehwolfman7: ....._

_TruthxLies111: ...._

_Trickster101spy: ...._

_Herebirdybirdy: ....God?_

_Anthony_Horowitz: Well technically yes, I am your God. I control everything you do. You all are merely characters in my book._

_XAwesomeViperX: that's bullshit._

_Trickster101spy: Ikr._

_Anthony_Horowitz: I don't care what you think, because I can change your thoughts too._

_[Anthony_Horowitz has changed characters' thoughts]_

_TruthxLies111: Okay, so we're all characters in your book. Now why are you here?_

_Anthony_Horowitz: I know many of you have suffered during the course of this story._

_Brokenangelwings90: I know I have. Thanks a lot, Horowitz._

_[Brokenangelwings90 has left the chatroom]_

_Anthony_Horowitz: It was not my doing. This story has been completely the fault of a fanfiction writer._

_XAwesomeViperX: you mean....._

_Herebirdybirdy: OH NOES!_

_Trickster101spy: We've fallen prey to fanfiction!_

_Anthony_Horowitz: Yes, fanfiction writers can be very sadistic and heartless creatures._

_DreammakerTwilight: Hey! I wasn't THAT mean! Some people actually put Alex and Yassen together in a bed! All I did was put them in the same chatroom!_

_TruthxLies111: what the-_

_Tehwolfman7: how'd you get here?!?_

_DreammakerTwilight: ....uh....._

_Anthony_Horowitz: Because we are all still inside her fanfiction, so she may play God and appear at will. This is called an "Author Insert"._

_DreammakerTwilight: ...LIES!!!!_

_Anthony_Horowitz: I could sue you for this, you know._

_DreammakerTwilight: no you cant! I added a disclaimer! T^T_

_Anthony_Horowitz: True, but you're openly arguing with one of the most famous young adult fiction writers in the world, so guess who has more money?_

_DreammakerTwilight: ........._

_[Anthony_Horowitz has been forcefully dragged out of the chatroom]_

_DreammakerTwilight: BWAHAHAHA YOU ARE ALL AT MY MERCY_

_Trickster101spy: ....crazy girl._

_TruthxLies111: Let's go find a better fanfiction._

_Tehwolfman7: agreed._

_[Trickster101spy has left the chatroom]_

_[TruthxLies111 has left the chatroom]_

_[Tehwolfman7 has left the chatroom]_

_DreammakerTwilight: ...guys?_

_DreammakerTwilight: C'mon, I promise I'll be nice!_

_DreammakerTwilight: ....please come back nao? =(_

_Herebirdybirdy: HAH! sucker!_

_DreammakerTwilight: Eagle! You're still here! xD_

_Herebirdybirdy: oh crap! no I'm not, not I'm not...._

_[Herebirdybirdy has left the chatroom]_

_DreammakerTwilight: -sniff- nobody likes me.... :'(_

_XAwesomeViperX: I'm still here._

_DreammakerTwilight: -gasp- Snakey!!!! yay!!!! You didn't leave me!!! xD_

_XAwesomeViperX: yeah, it's safer here than where they're going._

_DreammakerTwilight: and where's that?_

_XAwesomeViperX: I dunno, but they randomly jumped into some fanfiction that had "K-Unit" and "torture" in the summary, so... I think I'd best stay here._

_DreammakerTwilight: ooh, a torture fic! Those are so fun~_

_XAwesomeViperX: ...creep._

_[XAwesomeViperX has left the chatroom]_

_DreammakerTwilight: oh come on, not you too...._

_DreammakerTwilight: ...I'm warning ya, them fanfic writer's torture is pretty rough!_

_DreammakerTwilight: :'(_

_DreammakerTwilight: ....it's so quiet....._

_DreammakerTwilight: this chatroom needs more people._

_[Merpgluie has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_[Terrorists_R_Us has been forcefully dragged into the chatroom]_

_Merpgluie: Hi Dreammaker!_

_Terrorists_R_Us: yo!_

_DreammakerTwilight: Hi guys! Hey, aren't I awesome?_

_Merpgluie: of course._

_Terrorists_R_Us: duh. what a stupid question to ask._

_DreammakerTwilight: I knew it. xD_

Behind a brightly-lit Toshiba widescreen laptop, a messy-looking Chinese-American girl smiled satisfyingly. Yes, OCs were so much nicer than those cruel, prejudiced canon characters....

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Several fanfictions away, eight Alex Rider characters sneezed simultaneously.*

* * *

***There's an old Japanese myth that says when you sneeze, it means someone's saying bad things about you behind your back.**

**A/N: There. It was horrible, but review anyway to make me feel good, please? =)**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: I am starting another multi-chapter Alex Rider fanfiction, thanks to the (relative) popularity of this one! It's titled "The Global Conquest of the Jellybeans" on my profile. Yes, you read that right. **_**Jellybeans**_**. Now go check it out. I only have a teaser/prolougue up right now, but I'll be updating it soon.**


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